While I am truly thankful for the privilege of prayer I must confess that I’ve never been very good at it. My mind wanders. I get distracted or I put off praying until the demands of the day crowd it out. Over the years I’ve tried any number of things to improve my prayer life – joining a prayer group, writing out my prayers, keeping a prayer journal – and while they work for a time I soon find myself slipping back into my haphazard way of praying. It embarrasses me to tell you this but I don’t feel I can write about the privilege of prayer without coming clean about my own inaptitude.
I know all the things I should do – reserve a special place to meet with God, have a set time for prayer, make myself accountable to another person, preferably someone who has mastered the discipline of prayer, and most of all pray whether I feel like it or not. After all we learn to pray the same way we learn to ride a bike – by doing it. I know the importance of praying the Scriptures and of praying God-centered prayers rather than need-centered prayers. My problem isn’t knowledge but discipline. I know all I need to know about praying I just don’t pray as faithfully as I should.
Although I’ve received many remarkable answers to prayer, which we will get to in a minute, I still grow weary of praying when my prayers seem to be making no apparent difference. I mean, why pray if nothing changes. Reminding myself that when one fills a pond the first hundred truckloads of rock disappear under the surface of the water without leaving a trace helps some but I still have to struggle with discouragement. Reminding myself that the primary purpose of prayer is not petition but relationship, about spending time with the Lord, helps some. Unfortunately it is often as hard for me to sense His presence as it is for me to see His answers.
If prayer is so frustrating, you may be wondering, why do I continue praying? I’m sure a sense of duty has something to do with it but it is more than that. At the core of my being I have a heart hunger for God, a yearning to know Him and be known by Him. It is an “itch” that only prayer can scratch. I may not be very good at prayer, I may even stray from it from time to time, but always I am drawn back. What breath is to my body prayer is to my spirit. Without prayer I simply cannot survive.
Category: May 2008